Charm – How To Attract Others And Influence Them.pdf
We’re social creatures with the innate desire to be with others. This has been true for 10,000+ years. There was a time when surviving on your own was impossible. The old saying “It takes a village to raise a child” can be taken a step further. It once took a “village” to keep a person alive.
This need to connect with others is still alive and kicking in all of us.
Given that we’re hardwired to make friends, you would think that we’d naturally be good at this. Interestingly, this isn’t the case. One of the most common complaints of people, regardless of age, is that of feeling socially isolated and alone.
While the internet and social media can make it easier to have contact with others, the interaction is often shallow and lacking in substance. Charm – How To Attract Others And Influence
It’s never been easier to casually chat with someone on the other side of the world, but it’s never been more challenging to have a meaningful friendship or romantic relationship.
Interacting with others can be a challenging experience. It often creates a lot of fear. The fear can take the form of the fear of rejection, embarrassment, and just general anxiety that’s hard to pinpoint.
If your current social situation is less desirable than you prefer, this report will provide you with a new perspective on how to get others to want to be around you and keep them there. You’ll be able to interact confidently and successfully with people at work, strangers, friends, and family.
There are only 3 things required of you: Charm – How To Attract Others And Influence
1. Understand the material and techniques at a high level. There’s not a lot to learn, but you must truly understand it. Avoid just skimming the information.
2. Use the techniques. Learning new social skills is like reading a book on tennis. You might know more about tennis after reading a book, but your game won’t improve without actually using the information.
3. Practice. The more you practice something, the better you’ll perform. In time, it all becomes second nature.
Getting others to like you isn’t as hard as you might think. The science is quite clear on the matter. Some people naturally do and say the right things to be likable, and others don’t. However, it’s not that hard to incorporate the most effective friend- attracting techniques into your day-to-day life.
You’ll be surprised by how simple these techniques are and how easy they are to use. Their effectiveness will astound you.
When people like you, it’s easy to influence them. When they don’t like you, it’s next to impossible to influence them unless you have a pretty big stick at your disposal. Charm – How To Attract Others And Influence
THE SIGNALS YOU SEND
You’re sending signals to everyone in your environment, even if you don’t realize it. You’re also scanning your environment for signals from others.
While there is a lot you can gather from looking at someone, your brain’s primary objective is safety. It’s attempting to determine if the people in your environment are potential friends or enemies.
Suppose you needed directions. There are certain people you feel comfortable asking, and others that you certainly do not. This is a conscious decision. It’s based on the signals you receive from that person.
Some people send out signals for friendship. Others send out the signals of a potential enemy.
Charm – How To Attract Others And Influence
Before you speak with someone, you’re both assessing non-verbal communication signals. The majority of the time, others see you long before they hear you. Since they’re looking at you, it only makes sense to send effective signals to create interest and friendship.
Have you ever noticed that some people are much more noticeable than others? Some are readily noticed in a positive way, while others are noticed in a negative way.
Then there’s everyone else. Most people tend to blend into the background and fail to send either friendship or enemy signals. These people are very neutral in the signals they send. They aren’t seen as a potential friend or threat. If you’ve ever felt invisible, this is the reason why. You actually are “invisible” to the brain of everyone around you.
Once a person’s brain classifies you as “neutral”, you’re quickly forgotten. That brain has other concerns to deal with. You’re viewed as unlikely to provide anything positive or negative. You’re the equivalent of a tree to a person that doesn’t need any shade at the moment. Charm – How To Attract Others And Influence
Send friendship signals to those that interest you:
1. A genuine smile. Not that fake thing you throw around most of the time. It’s easy for people to spot a fake smile unless you’re Robert De Niro or Meryl Streep.
> Smiling people are viewed as happier, more confident, and more likable.
> This can be a good way to judge how others feel about you. We tend to smile at those we like and fail to smile and those we dislike.
> Faking a smile is extremely difficult without practice. The easiest way to tell the difference between a fake and a real smile is in the corners of the mouth and cheeks. In a real smile, the corners of the mouth are upturned, and the cheeks raise.
> Also, look for some wrinkling around the corners of the eyes during a real smile.
> Practice your smile in the mirror and see how real you can make it look.
2. Raising and lowering your eyebrows. This is a very quick movement. It’s really just a flash, and only takes a fraction of a second. The eyebrows only move minimally. You’ve probably never consciously noticed it in others, but you will now.
> Consider if you were angry or aggressive. Would your raise your eyebrows? Imagine yourself feeling angry and stomping through the grocery store. Your eyebrows would be down and would stay that way.
3. Tilt your head. Left or right, it’s entirely up to you. It’s believed we do this to expose our carotid arteries (those are the arteries in your neck that carry blood to the brain) to show we’re not a threat.
> This doesn’t mean that you walk around with your head laying over to one side. But, tilt your head a little bit while interacting with others that you’d like to get to know better.
> Studies have shown that people are rated as more attractive, trustworthy, and kind when they tilt their head during conversation. You can see this behavior in many animals, too. Watch the dogs in your neighborhood.
> Again, imagine you’re in a hostile mood. What do you do? You keep your chin tucked down which also protects your neck. Charm – How To Attract Others And Influence
> A lowered head, lowered eyebrows, and the lack of a smile send the very clear signal that you’re not a friend.
4. Eye contact. Eye contact can be tricky. Too short and it doesn’t communicate your intentions effectively. Too long and your target will view you as a potential enemy.
> Eye contact should be long enough to be obvious, but not longer than a second.
> Be sure to smile when breaking eye contact. Remember that it needs to be a genuine smile.
> Eye contact can be longer with someone you already know but would like to get to know better.
5. Touching. A small amount of touch can go a long way. Use touch sparingly. At the end of an interaction, touch the other person briefly on the arm or shoulder and watch for their non-verbal response.
> Any negative non-verbal signal is telling you that they aren’t ready for the relationship to proceed further.
> Touching is one of the most powerful ways to build trust and intimacy with another person.
6. Mirroring. Mirroring is exactly what it sounds like. You essentially mirror the body language and mannerisms of the other person. Charm – How To Attract Others And Influence
> If the other person tilts their head, you tilt yours.
> If the other person has their arms crossed, you cross yours.
> If the other person is slouching, you slouch, too.
> Avoid making your intentions too obvious. If you look like you’re mimicking the other person too closely in real time, it will be viewed as odd or awkward.
> Notice this behavior in others in social settings. Notice who is mirroring and who is not. We naturally mirror others when rapport is high. You can create rapport through mirroring.
> Once you’ve been mirroring someone for a short time, you can lead them. Change your body position and watch them follow you.
7. Lean in. When two people like each other, they in toward each other. You can see this everywhere you go in everyday life. Look for it.
> Also, notice when two people clearly don’t like each other. They lean away from each other.
> People that like each other also point their torsos toward each other. If they’re standing, they’ll also point their feet at each other. Notice the next time there’s a group of people standing and talking. Look at where everyone’s torso and feet are pointing.
> If you want to send a positive message to someone, face them with your body.
8. Use more gesturing. When two strangers meet, their gestures are minimal. Use more gestures when dealing with those people with whom you’d like to build a stronger relationship. These can include:
> Head nodding
> Obvious hand gestures
> Stronger eye contact
> Also, be sure to minimize any non-verbal signals that might be viewed as unfriendly.
9. Use head nodding to your advantage. Head nodding is a powerful tool that can be used to show that you’re listening and would like the other person to continue talking. But be careful! Head nodding can also send a negative signal in you do it incorrectly. Charm – How To Attract Others And Influence
> Rapid head nodding can send the signal that you’re disinterested or want the other person to finish talking so you can talk.
> A slow, single head nod tends to disrupt the conversation. It sends the signal that you’re not sure you believe what you’re hearing.
> Notice when others nod their heads and how they do it. What signal are they sending?
10. Give your full attention. We’ve all been talking to someone that isn’t paying attention to us. They might be looking at their phone or looking around the room.
> Listen intently to the other person.
> Avoid answering your phone during a conversation. If you want to score big points, take your phone out, send the call to voicemail and put your phone away. Put your attention firmly back on the other person.
11. Whisper. You know that you’ve made great progress in a relationship when you can whisper something to that person without it feeling weird to either of you. Use whispering to build your budding friendships.
12. Give verbal encouragement. These are those simple fillers that show support and encourage others to continue. These include statements like
> “I see”
> “Go on”
> “Of course”
> Mmm hmm”
Be on the lookout for these signals in your everyday life. You might even take a trip to the mall or a store and just watch people. Look for these signals. Notice which people seem friendly and which do not. Try to determine why you come to those conclusions. What are the differences? Charm – How To Attract Others And Influence
Just as there are signals that demonstrate an openness to contact and communication, there are also signals that scream, “Stay away from me.” You’re picking up on these signals all the time from others that you see in your day-to-day life. You might be surprised at how often you’re sending these signals even if you don’t mean to.
Understanding these signals can be very useful. You’ll know when not to waste your time approaching someone. You’ll understand when your message isn’t being received positively. And, you’ll be able to avoid sending these signals inadvertently.
As a bonus, you’ll also learn how to keep others away when you don’t want to be bothered.
Be aware of these non-friendly signals in yourself and others:
1. Obvious facial tension. When others are hostile toward you, they clench their jaws, furrow their eyebrows, and just have a look of facial tension. This is a good sign that you’re not welcome in their space.
2. Rolling of the eyes. You’ve rolled your eyes at something someone has said. You’ve also been on the receiving end of the same gesture. Use this as a clue that people aren’t responding positively to what you’re saying.
> Also watch yourself. Rolling the eyes is automatic behavior that you might want to check, depending on the situation. Charm – How To Attract Others And Influence
3. Invading someone else’s personal space. Try standing too close to someone else and see what happens. You can stand closer to a friend than to a stranger. You can stand closer to someone in certain countries than in others, or even within different states. Watch for people’s reactions as you move closer to them.
4. Any other obvious signals. There are many other signs of negativity, but we’re so skilled at noticing them in others that they hardly require mention. Just ensure you’re not doing any of these if you want to make more friends and influence more people.
> Scrunching the nose
> Wearing clothing or accessories that send the wrong signals
> Aggressive stance
> Impolite gestures
The signals people send regarding their potential friend or enemy status are unconscious. You’re now aware of them, so you can send whatever signals you like. Use these signals to your advantage.
Be on the lookout for signals from others you meet in your day-to-day life. It will be clear who is interested in being your friend or lover, and who is not.
THE #1 RULE TO GET OTHERS TO LIKE YOU
Why do we have a hard time not eating ice cream, pizza, chocolate, or potato chips if they’re available? It’s because they make us feel good. We’re more hedonistic than we like to admit. We like to feel good. We like to feel comfortable. They don’t call it comfort food for nothing!
The same can be said about texting, watching TV, sleeping in, sex, drugs, alcohol, or snuggling under a warm blanket and watching a good movie.
These things make us feel good.
Not surprisingly. The people we enjoy being around are the ones that make us feel good. Most importantly, we like the people that make us feel good about ourselves. Conversely, we don’t like the people that make us feel bad about ourselves.
Charm – How To Attract Others And Influence
If you can keep this simple rule in mind in your dealings with others, you’ll have more friends and influence than you know what to do with. Whenever you make someone feel good about themselves, they’ll want to experience that again. Be the cause of those feelings and others will want to spend more time with you.
Make people feel good about themselves, and you’ll have friends for life!
Try these techniques: Charm – How To Attract Others And Influence
1. Give sincere compliments. It’s important to be careful with this one. It’s not easy to give a sincere compliment to someone you don’t know. You simply don’t know enough about them.
> Avoid giving obvious compliments. For example, a beautiful woman has been told she’s beautiful about 10,000 times.
> Compliments are best used on those that you already know.
2. Show an interest in the other person’s life. This is easy to accomplish just by asking a few questions.
> How was your weekend? What did you do?”
> “You said you were going to have lunch with your sister. How is she?”
> “What are your favorite hobbies?”
> “Tell me about your family.”
> “What kind of dog do you have?”
3. Be empathetic. Make the conversation about the other person. Be concerned and supportive.
4. Provide rationalizations. We rationalize our failure, misfortunes, and misdeeds all day long. We love it if someone else helps us do it. Suppose someone didn’t get a promotion they were expecting. You could say something like:
> “That company never seems to be able to spot real talent.”
> “The hiring manager for that department only likes to hire men.”
> “Everyone knows that the person that got the job is the golden child of this place.”
> Help people justify their failures, and you’ll have a new friend.
5. Ask for a favor. Most people have a hard time refusing a simple request. Whether it be to carry a box, hold a door, or to pick up something while the other person is at the store, you make friends by asking for favors. It seems counter intuitive, but it works for a few reasons:
> People feel good about themselves when they do a favor for someone. You’ll be credited with making them feel good about themselves, even if they aren’t consciously aware of this effect.
> People like to be consistent. By doing you a favor, they’re acting as if they like you. It only makes sense to do favors for people you like, so if they’re doing a favor for you, they must like you. At least, that’s what their brain leads them to believe.
How someone feels about you is strongly correlated to how they feel when you’re around them.
You don’t even have to be the actual cause! If they get good news when you’re present, their brain will attribute the good feeling to you. They could be looking at you while they eat a candy bar and feel more positive about you as a result.
It’s even more powerful to have a positive influence on how they feel about themselves. You can be the equivalent to a powerful drug in someone’s life. Charm – How To Attract Others And Influence
WHAT WE FIND ATTRACTIVE IN OTHERS
We’re attracted to many things. Physical attractiveness, money, power, and the other usual things are attractive in our society. Unfortunately, it’s not easy to instantly create a more attractive face, make a million dollars, or become a corporate juggernaut.
Luckily, there are things we can control that are attractive to others.
Make yourself more attractive to others simply and easily: Charm – How To Attract Others And Influence
1. Similarity. We like others that are like us. We like people that have the same interests, attitudes, and spend their time in ways similar to how we like to spend time. For example, a Republican is more likely to like a fellow Republican than a Democrat.
> Someone who likes baseball is more likely to make friends with a baseball fan than with someone who hates baseball.
> Look for common ground with others and make it apparent to them. Highlight your similarities.
> You might both like dogs, wear similar clothes, have the same background, attended the same school, or work in similar fields.
2. Curiosity. We’ve wondered what’s on the other side of the mountain or at the bottom of a hole for thousands of years. As a species, we’re still wondering how to power a spaceship to another solar system, live longer, or how to fully harness the power of the wind. We’re curious by nature. You can use this to your advantage.
> This can be especially useful in dating situations. Women, especially, love to figure out everything they can about a man that interests them. It’s almost a game.
> Have an interesting life but reveal the details of your life slowly. Others will wonder what you’re all about. Imagine you had a quiet coworker that loved to skydive, hiked in the Himalayas, and raised llamas. You’d be curious, to say the least.
3. Reciprocity. This is like asking for a favor in reverse. Instead, you’re going to do something for someone without even being asked. You might pick up the lunch tab or help them catch their dog. You could even just offer to let them use your pen if it’s clear they need one.
> Once you’ve done something for them, they feel compelled to do something nice for you.
4. Be open. Most of us are quite guarded with our challenges and secrets. We don’t want others to know we’re having health issues, financial issues, or had a nose job in our 20’s.
> However, the more you’re willing to reveal, the closer the other person will feel to you. They’ll also be more likely to disclose personal information to you.
> Be careful. You don’t want to tell someone you don’t know very well your deepest and darkest secrets. They might be used against you some day.
> Be sure to avoid revealing things that highlight unattractive qualities. For example, you probably wouldn’t want to share that you’ve been cheating on your spouse for the last decade, shoplift, or spiked your neighbor’s tires as part of an ongoing feud.
> Be caring and respectful when you receive a disclosure from someone else. This is a great way to strengthen any relationship. Charm – How To Attract Others And Influence
5. Have a sense of humor. Humor is attractive across all cultures. Those that are able to use humor effectively are seen as more attractive and likable. Use a light touch in your social interactions and inject humor where appropriate.
> A good sense of humor puts others at ease and reduces anxiety. This is a great environment for creating friendships.
6. Be around more often. We are more likely to create relationships with those we see regularly. Neighbors are more likely to become friends than people that live at opposite ends of the street.
> You’re more likely to be friends with a coworker than with someone that works at another location.
Find ways to spend more time around those you would like to become friends with.
7. Hang around with the popular people. Whether you’re in grade school, college, or have been working for 30 years, it’s best to hang out with the cool kids. The status assigned to you is largely relative to the company you keep.
> Studies have shown that you’ll be viewed as more intelligent if you associate with people that are known to be intelligent. The same goes for attractiveness or a lack of attractiveness.
> Think about how you want to be viewed and associate with those people. This means you might want to join a yoga studio and an organization that wants to save the whales. Or, it might mean that you want to hang out with wealthy real estate investors. What message do you want to send?
8. Be happy with yourself. High self- esteem is attractive. Low self-esteem is not. The same is true for self- confidence. People low in both attributes are less likely to be open and are always on guard. Neither is attractive.
9. Avoid being too available. There’s a reason diamonds are so valuable. It’s their scarcity. We don’t value things that are right in front of our face as much as we do those things that are less available. You’ll be seen as more valuable if you make yourself less available.
> This is easy to accomplish. Answer personal emails and text messages slowly.
> Be unavailable for an entire weekend.
> Have regular plans.
You don’t have to look like a movie star, or have the bank account of one, to be attractive to others. Use these tools to make yourself a more attractive prospect for friendship. Charm – How To Attract Others And Influence
COMMON CONVERSATION ERRORS
Making friends and getting others to like and trust you is relatively simple. You encourage people to talk about themselves, demonstrate that you’re a great listener, and use the various tools to grow the connection between you.
However, there are many things you can inadvertently do to disrupt the rapport and flow of communication.
Avoid these common conversation errors if you want to attract others into your life: Charm – How To Attract Others And Influence
1 Avoid talking about your problems or complaining too much. Everyone has problems, and everyone is struggling to deal with them. They don’t have the time or energy to deal with yours, too. Avoid being too negative.
2. Avoid talking about yourself excessively. It’s boring. Remember that it’s important to make the other person feel good about themselves. You can’t do that by only talking about yourself all of the time.
3. Keep meaningless chit-chat to a minimum. Be the person that’s known for having meaningful conversations. Avoid gossip, too.
4. Avoid topics that will make the other person feel bad or upset. Avoid conversations about starving children, politically charged topics, or anything else that will create a negative emotion in the other person
5. Be emotional, but not too much. If your emotions are outside the normal range for the topic and situation, you’ll be viewed negatively.
We often destroy a good conversation or budding relationship by saying the wrong things. It’s not always easy to undo the damage caused by a verbal misstep.
Remember to keep things positive. If you make the other person feel bad about themselves, bad in general, or bad about you, you’re going to struggle to create, build, or maintain a connection.
HOW TO FORGE STRONGER CONNECTIONS ONLINE
The internet can be a great tool for building your social network. People have successfully found jobs, started businesses, created friendships, and met their future spouses online. The potential really is unlimited.
While there can be pitfalls, it would be silly to ignore the possibilities the internet provides.
The internet has many advantages for creating social contacts and influence:
Charm – How To Attract Others And Influence
1. The internet is a great social tool for introverts. There’s a layer of anonymity and a lack of timeliness on the internet that appeals to introverts.
> If someone asks you a question face to face, you can’t sit there for two minutes and think about your answer, but you can online. The other person assumes you’re busy, getting a drink, or using the restroom.
> It’s easier to start a conversation with someone on the internet than it is in person.
2. It’s much easier to find others with something in common. Whether your interest is in 80’s music, playing horseshoes, American bulldogs, spearfishing, or organic farming, it’s easy to find thousands of people with the same interests. That’s not as easy to do offline.
3. There are plenty of people available. There are roughly 4.2 billion people online. That’s over half of the world’s population. You won’t have any problems finding someone to talk to.
> How many people do you have access to in your day-to-day life? Less than 4.2 billion.
4. Rejection is much easier to take. Considering how easy it is to start and end friendships online, the sting and embarrassment of rejection is greatly reduced. Of course, if you’re posting questionable photos online, the possibility for great embarrassment goes up considerably!
5. People are much more open online. People feel more comfortable sharing information online than they do in person. Rapport is built easier and faster online.
The internet is here to stay, so ensure you’re taking advantage of it. The ease of contacting similar people, with similar interests, in high numbers, is hard to beat. If you’re introverted, the benefits are even greater. Rejection and failure are easier to swallow online. Use the internet to build your social network and influence.
ADDITIONAL TIPS FOR INFLUENCING OTHERS
If people like you, and you can make them feel good about themselves, they’ll do just about anything for you. But there are additional ways to influence others – even people you barely know.
It comes down to trust, gain, and loss. If you can control the perception of these three things, you can get someone to move a mountain for you.
Consider these strategies: Charm – How To Attract Others And Influence
1. Emphasize the benefits. What does the other person need? If you’re selling your services or product to someone else, you must know their needs if you want to be successful. Present a solution to their problem.
> Even in dating situations, people are constantly weighing, “What’s in it for me? What will I gain from being in this relationship?”
2. Keep it simple. A confused mind says “no.” If you want to influence someone to do something, keep it simple. Complex ideas are confusing. People worry that deceit is hidden amongst the complexity.
3. Authority. Influencing others is easier if they view you as an authority in that particular field or situation. We all like to follow an expert. We trust that they know what they’re doing.
> Be able to demonstrate or explain your experience.
> Social proof is great for establishing certain types of authority.
4. Show what they can lose by not listening to you. We like to gain something positive. Even more, we hate to lose something. Consider that earning $100 isn’t as motivating as keeping $100 that someone is trying to take from you. Create the pleasure of positive gain or create pain via loss.
Charm – How To Attract Others And Influence
AN ACTION PLAN
Let’s come up with a few ideas, so you can actually experience some benefits. Instead of picking up another book and sitting at home reading more on the topic, let’s get busy and put what you know to use.
This will do more for your life than acquiring more information. Once you’ve mastered this information, then it would be wise to learn more.
Use these strategies to put your new knowledge into action:
1. Keep your eyes open and observe others. Go to the mall. Sit at the park. Pay attention wherever you go. Watch how others communicate with each other, both verbally and non-verbally. Look for the signs and techniques that you’ve learned in this report.
2. Practice sending friendly signals everywhere you go. Smile, tilt your head, and give your eyebrows a quick raise. When you receive positive signals in return, say “hello.”
3. Practice making others feel good about themselves. Do this with everyone you talk to. Notice what happens.
4. Pick a victim. Choose one person to be the focus of your efforts. It could be a coworker, casual acquaintance, or the bartender at your local hangout. Pull out all the stops and use this information relentlessly without overwhelming them. See what happens.
5. Choose one meaningful relationship in your life that is struggling. It could be with your boss, spouse, child, parent, or good friend. See how much you can strengthen the relationship with these tools.
This is an effective, but simple, plan that can make a big difference in your life. All the information in the world is of little value if you just store it in your head. Put it to use and see how much control you have over your life. Practice and observe. That’s all it takes.
Attracting and influencing others is quite simple. There is great interest in this topic, so a lot of research has already been done for you. More information is as easy to come by as a trip to the local library, bookstore, or an appropriate website.
Be vigilant regarding your nonverbal behavior. Others are sizing you up and make judgements before you ever utter a word. Send friendly signals wherever you go. Notice the signals given off by others. It’s not hard to approach someone when their body language is inviting you to talk to them.
Remember that the information you’ve learned must be applied if you want to be successful. Most people gather information but fail to incorporate it into their lives. Only when the information is used does it become valuable.
Make a plan to become more attractive to others. You’ll have plenty of friends and plenty of influence as a result.
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