In The Dark

In The Dark

In The Dark

The story of a man who only saw darkness

The moment Gary tippy-toed outside of his home, he just knew it was going to be a terrible day. But Gary found out something surprising and rather embarrassing…

Gary stepped outside and knew at once that it was going to be one of those terrible days. Everything was dark and gloomy, like a thunderstorm was only moments away. But it was strange – the weather reporter had said the day would be sunny.

Gary continued on to his favorite coffee shop. Inside the coffee shop, the lights were dim, as if some bulbs had burned out. He thought, “What kind of lousy restaurant doesn’t change the light bulbs when they go out?”

Gary sat down and looked at the menu, but the dim lighting was making him more and more depressed. When the waitress came by to take his order, Gary ordered his food, but he stopped her as she started walking back to the kitchen.

“Why don’t you guys fix some of these light bulbs? It’s so dark in here. Do you think your customers like to eat in the dark?” Gary, whose mood had gotten progressively worse since he left the house, spoke angrily and a little too loudly.

“But sir,” the waitress said, looking confused, “No bulbs are burned out here. You’re wearing sunglasses.”

Gary pulled his glasses off. It was true! He had grabbed the wrong pair of glasses out of his dresser drawer. He apologized to her and made sure to leave a big tip.

MORAL: When searching for the source of your unhappiness, look first to yourself.

What an eye opener! Isn’t it true that the fault we find in the world around us can often be traced back to what’s inside ourselves? It’s so easy to project our problems onto others when taking ownership of the issues would actually help us solve them much more quickly.

How often do we try to make a spouse or a roommate change behaviors, to no avail? We all know we can’t change others! We can encourage and persuade, but we can’t make people do anything we wish.

Knowing this truth, we ought to be able to see how counterproductive it is to get irritated by things going on around us. We automatically think those problems are someone else’s responsibility when we already have the power to stop the irritation!

Just like Gary in the story, when we think problems belong to someone else, we spend a lot of time grumbling and complaining that those people won’t fix their issues. We go around in a rotten mood and make things miserable for those around us.

Now contrast that unhappy picture with someone who takes responsibility for his own unhappiness. “Am I a part of the problem or the solution?” a wise person might ask. When things aren’t going well, the key is to stop and think about your attitudes and actions.

Blaming others keeps us from finding solutions to the root cause of the issue. Taking responsibility and examining our weaknesses, mistakes or contributions to the problem allow us to take positive action toward improvements.

Self-reflection lets us take off the sunglasses and put on the clear lenses. Maybe there are still a few bulbs in the restaurant that need to be changed, but at that point, we’ve done everything we can to improve the situation on our own.

Sometimes we can do a whole lot to improve a situation, and sometimes not so much. But taking ownership and moving forward always makes us happier than blaming others and waiting for them to change. Blaming others is automatically a recipe for frustration!

Self-Reflection Questions:

  1. Are there issues in my life where I’m blaming others for things not going well?
  2. What am I doing that may be contributing to the problem?
  3. Is my perspective causing my own unhappiness?

What’s your level of emotional intelligence?

Find out if your emotional intelligence is helping or hindering your growth! .

I am a Board Certified Life Coach, a Board Certified Health Coach, and a teacher of Mindfulness Living who helps people unlock their potential and live life on Purpose

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How to Fight Negative Thoughts and Feelings

I am free of self-doubt.

I am free of self-doubt.

I am free of self-doubt.

I am brimming with confidence. I deserve to have a high level of self-confidence. Self-doubt is a foreign concept to me. All I know is confidence. As my confidence grows, the room available for self-doubt disappears.

Even when others feel anxious and filled with worry, I am free of self-doubt. I am able to maintain my confidence even when around others that are concerned.

I am independent of my environment. I choose how I feel, and I choose to feel confident. I expect positive outcomes. I am an optimist.

I trust myself. I am impressed with my ability to handle any situation with wisdom and creativity.

I know how to be successful. I have proven this to myself numerous times. When I reflect on my accomplishments, my confidence in myself grows. I learn from my failures, so failing ultimately builds my self-confidence, too.

I make decisions quickly. I take decisive action. The trust and confidence I have in myself is comforting.

Each successful day I live brings even greater certainty. I am more confident today than I was yesterday. I know I can be even more confident tomorrow.

Today, I am living confidently and free of self-doubt. I am putting my plans into action and believe that everything is working out for the best. I am free of self-doubt.

Self-Reflection Questions:

  1. What am I allowing to hold me back in my life? Why?
  2. What would I do if I were confident that I would be successful?
  3. What is the worst that could go wrong? How could I handle that situation?

What’s your level of emotional intelligence?

Find out if your emotional intelligence is helping or hindering your growth! .

I am a Board Certified Life Coach, a Board Certified Health Coach, and a teacher of Mindfulness Living who helps people unlock their potential and live life on Purpose

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How to Fight Negative Thoughts and Feelings

A 7-Step Process for Dealing With Failure and Other Setbacks

A 7-Step Process for Dealing With Failure and Other Setbacks

You can accomplish anything if you’re willing to fail along the way. Failure is a consistent part of success. The most successful people fail far more often than the least successful people.

Life is full of setbacks. The question is whether you allow failure and other setbacks to derail your efforts. Everyone can learn to better deal with these common annoyances on the road to success.

Failure is a funny thing. It feels embarrassing and catastrophic, but that’s rarely the case. You fail every day. When you think your keys are in the kitchen drawer, but discover they are not, you failed. However, you don’t let it bother you. Instead, you just look somewhere else.

Dealing with failure can be that simple. If your first attempt doesn’t work, try something else.

The same can be said for your 30th failed attempt. Most people try a time or two and then give up. They decide it either can’t be done, or the stress of failing becomes too much to bear.

Use this process to overcome failure:

1. Maintain your composure. Nothing will derail your progress like becoming emotionally distraught or quitting altogether. Undesirable results happen more often than not. It’s important to understand this fact.

When you expect that you’ll sometimes fail, it won’t bother you nearly as much. You simply keep going.

2. Determine what went wrong. If possible, determine the error in your approach. Do your best to understand exactly what happened and why. If you don’t understand the issue, you can’t correct it.

3. Maybe you just need to try again. Some things just naturally have high failure rates, like sales. For some products and services, you might face 100s of failures between successes. There’s no reason to fret, just try again. And again. And again.

4. Alter your approach. It’s important to keep improving your method. No matter how great you are at something, it can always be better. Take a few minutes each day and adjust your approach.

5. Look for alternatives. Maybe you need to try a completely new approach. There are often multiple ways around any obstacle. Maybe you can find a better alternative. For example, if you’ve been cold-calling for clients, maybe it would be better to:

– Cold-email
– Ask people you know for referrals
– Show up in person
– Attend meetups or conventions
– Send postcards
– Pass out flyers
– Send lumpy mail
– If you’ve thoroughly investigated one method, try another.

6. Sharpen your axe. Sometimes it’s not about how hard you chop at the trees. It’s about how sharp your axe is. Develop yourself each day. Work on your general sales skills and charisma if those are useful. A chemist might brush up on his knowledge of synthetic organic chemistry.

7. Work on your coping skills. Figure out the best ways to handle the stress and other negative emotions that commonly accompany failure and setbacks.

Keep your options healthy. Calling a friend, exercise, and meditation are examples of acceptable options.

Using drugs, alcohol, or food are examples of unhealthy coping strategies.

You can’t succeed if you can’t handle failure. Most of us are far more afraid of failure than we should be. A failed sales call or 30-foot putt isn’t a life and death matter. The most successful people fail more often than they succeed. It’s just part of the game.

One of the best ways to predict your success is to look at your ability to handle failure. Successful people handle failure without any undo fuss. Just learn and keep going.

What’s your level of emotional intelligence?

Find out if your emotional intelligence is helping or hindering your growth! .

I am a Board Certified Life Coach, a Board Certified Health Coach, and a teacher of Mindfulness Living who helps people unlock their potential and live life on Purpose

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How to Fight Negative Thoughts and Feelings

A Positive Outlook Leads To A Productive Mind

A Positive Outlook Leads To A Productive Mind

A positive outlook leads to a productive mind.

I make it a point to focus on the positive things in my life. As a result, I am able to create a life that fulfills me!

There are many things beyond my control that I release from my conscious thought. I remind myself to concentrate on things that I have the power to influence. When I take this approach, I get more wins and favorable results.

My days at work are satisfactory because I set a realistic schedule of things to accomplish. Whenever I do this, I feel organized and focused on a specific mission.

I stay away from thinking about responsibilities that I am unable to take on at that moment. My sanity is intact because I allow myself to be in the moment and concentrate on what is in front of me.

My approach always leads to a productive work day.

When I allow my mind to wander, I think about things that make me happy or excited. Doing this pushes me to be creative and find ways to accomplish greatness.

Training my mind to put positive thoughts at the forefront of my consciousness also strengthens my character. My optimism and confidence transform possibilities into opportunities.

Today, my mind is the source of a positive existence that produces good results and a fine quality of life. I celebrate having a sound mind that I am able to use to alter my life in a way that benefits me.

Self-Reflection Questions:

  1. What strategies can I use to keep producing new ideas?
  2. What are some of my greatest sources of inspiration?
  3. How do I keep my mind active to ensure I am constantly creating?

What’s your level of emotional intelligence?

Find out if your emotional intelligence is helping or hindering your growth! .

I am a Board Certified Life Coach, a Board Certified Health Coach, and a teacher of Mindfulness Living who helps people unlock their potential and live life on Purpose

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How to Fight Negative Thoughts and Feelings

A Busy Persons Guide To Making Your Life More Fulfilling

A Busy Persons Guide To Making Your Life More Fulfilling

If your life isn’t as fulfilling as you’d like, you probably aren’t making fulfillment a high priority. To maximize anything in your life, whether it be your health, income, or fun, it has to be a priority.

You can restructure your life and make fulfillment one of your most important objectives. Fulfillment might be a lot closer than you realize!

Get more of what you want out of each day with these strategies:

1. Identify the things that bring you fulfillment. It’s hard to have a life overflowing with fulfillment if you don’t even know what makes you feel fulfilled. What do you currently find fulfilling in your life? What have you found fulfilling in the past? What other things do you believe you would find fulfilling?

2. Identify the things in your life that don’t bring fulfillment. What are you currently spending time on regularly that doesn’t really matter to you? Most of our days aren’t particularly fulfilling, so your list of things might be quite long.

Pay special attention to those things that are optional. If they aren’t fulfilling, ask yourself why you do them.

3. Eliminate as many maintenance activities as possible. Most of our lives are filled with maintenance activities. These are things that are necessary to keep our lives on track, but don’t necessarily create positive change. These items take a lot of time and typically aren’t fulfilling to the vast majority of people.

Maintenance tasks include items like shopping for food and clothes, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and mowing the grass. These items need to be done, but they don’t necessarily need to be done by you.

As your finances allow, consider paying others to do these tasks for you. Use the extra time to find something more fulfilling to do. Unless, of course, you find trimming your hedges fulfilling.

4. Scrap the unnecessary. Things you don’t need in your life take up time and space that could be better spent on other items and activities.

Go through your house and your schedule and eliminate as many things as you can that you either don’t need or don’t love.

5. Make time each day for your passion. Everyone’s life gets shorter each day. Avoid believing that you’ll have time in the future to pursue your passions. Begin making time today for those meaningful activities and try to do them every single day.

6. Have goals for each day. Each day can be made more fulfilling just by making yourself feel like you made the most of it. Most people merely survive each day and have little to show for their time and effort. Have a plan for each day and strive to complete it. You’ll feel great at the end of the day.

7. Have longer term goals, too. Long-term goals are important, too. They provide an overall theme to your life. When your life is about something, and you’re diligently working toward it, you’ll feel more fulfilled. Most people lack short-term and long-term goals.

8. Surround yourself with the best people and avoid the worst. You’ll feel inspired, energized, and supported when you have great people in your life. You become a better version of yourself when you have wonderful people around you. Cut away the dead weight and make room for more great people.

To have more fulfillment, you must prioritize fulfillment. This simple fact escapes many people.

Does your life have a primary objective? Most people prioritize surviving, which is important, but rarely leads to fulfillment. Have a higher purpose and make your sense of fulfillment a daily goal. Make the most of each day.

What’s your level of emotional intelligence?

Find out if your emotional intelligence is helping or hindering your growth! .

I am a Board Certified Life Coach, a Board Certified Health Coach, and a teacher of Mindfulness Living who helps people unlock their potential and live life on Purpose

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How to Fight Negative Thoughts and Feelings

The Non-Stop Nightingale Fable

The Non-Stop Nightingale Fable

A story about the importance of self-care to offering care for others.

Joey the nightingale took pride in his nighttime vocal routine. The minute it turned to dusk, he started belting out one beautiful chorus after another.

He continued on into the night. Then, one day, his practice unexpectedly turned him into a hero…

Each night, Joey’s mom would always say to him, “Joey, it’s time to come in, dear. You’ve done enough vocal practice for today.”

But Joey knew that the time he spent creating his beautiful songs would pay off one day.

No sooner than having that thought did an opportunity pop up for Joey. He was about to start singing one night when he heard a faint cry, “Help me! Help me!”

When he looked down, he saw that his neighbor’s newborn nightingale had fallen out of the nest and into the bushes below. And just to the right, there was a stray cat trying to reach for the hatchling to gobble him up.

Joey thought to himself, “Oh, I must help that poor hatchling! I wouldn’t be able to chase away that cat on my own, but I can definitely sound the alarm for help!”

And with that, Joey released his loudest and most piercing alarm call that traveled throughout the neighborhood. In no time, a watch of nightingales came out of nowhere, swooped down on the unsuspecting cat, and chased him away.

The hatchling’s mom quickly picked him up and carried him back to safety.

“Oh, I can’t thank you enough for saving my precious baby, Joey!” she said, and Joey beamed with pride knowing that his vocal practice paid off.

Moral: Taking care of yourself first puts you in a better position to take care of others.

Joey was a special nightingale. While all his friends and family members spent time each evening belting out beautiful sounds, he always took it a step further. When everyone retired for the night, Joey continued to sing.

He knew that he had a gift that was his responsibility to take care of. He also knew that in taking care of himself, he would be better able to take care of others.

Taking the time to take care of yourself sometimes seems like a waste of time, especially when you’re feeling okay. It’s easy to think that you’re at your best when there aren’t any physical signs that say otherwise.

But consistent self-care is required for you to be able to handle unexpected situations where someone is counting on your help.

It’s usually in those times that you realize that you’re less prepared than you thought to take care of someone when they call out to you. That is why it’s important to provide yourself with constant renewal.

Ensuring that you are healthy and rested enables you to take care of others. It means taking time to just enjoy life instead of working all the time.

Making yourself ready to take care of others also means working on your craft so you are able to continue earning a salary and achieving success. That preparation allows you to save the day when you least expect it.

Self-Reflection Questions:

  1. Which activities do I take part in to ensure that my mind is relaxed?
  2. How important is quality time with my friends?
  3. Which of my skills deserve more attention to ensure that they remain sharp?

What’s your level of emotional intelligence?

Find out if your emotional intelligence is helping or hindering your growth! .

I am a Board Certified Life Coach, a Board Certified Health Coach, and a teacher of Mindfulness Living who helps people unlock their potential and live life on Purpose

Receive, via email, our Action Guides, EBooks, Worksheets, Checklist, and Life Tips we only share with our communtiy

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How to Fight Negative Thoughts and Feelings